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Monthly Archives: September 2016


Dabbling in what-ifs is an exercise in futility and yet there are times when my brain will not be still, and I find myself extrapolating your eight years on earth. Desperately trying to conjure the you that would be now. Sixteen; such a departure from your tender youth. And yet I’d like to believe some things would be the same –your kind heart, the sparkle in your eyes, your studious work ethic, the curve of your lips as you smile, the silkiness of your auburn hair, your ability to mitigate negativity with silliness, the warmth of your hand in mine.

Dashed hopes. Unconditional love poured into a now empty vessel. Unlimited potential turned to ash. What am I to do with such colossal emotion? Eternally eight years old; sixteen only in my dreams. The rage is unbearable. The sorrow pours forth like rain.

My one saving grace is your sister. And the similarities tear me apart the more she grows. Quaking moments of deja vu. I long to feel grateful, but she is not you.