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Monthly Archives: May 2015

My Dearest Zev,

I miss you with the same ferocity as the day you departed this world. Through the years, even as the intensity wanes, it sends echoes rippling back; muscle memory crippling my forward motion. Rage is ever present; an uninvited passenger.

And sorrow sits beside me; keeping me company in the empty hours of the dark, caressing my cheek, reminding me that I am not alone. And yet, that alone is no comfort. The brightest star in my universe no longer shines for my eyes to see; your love is but a trail of vapor, a whisper on the wind. Memories are mine to cherish, yet the solace they bring is bitter. All time stopped for me the moment you died. The emptiness follows like a black cloud.

Your Dad wrote that he feels an intense desire to scream as loud and as long as he can, yet he does not, for fear that he will be unable to stop. I think that perfectly sums up the ferocious appetite that eats away at our insides every minute the clock ticks past.

I am forever angry at the chaos of the universe for allowing you to be pulled away from us after only eight years. I am well aware that the time any of us has here is not guaranteed, and fleeting at best, but that does not stop the overwhelming sense of injustice I feel.

I love you with every cell of which I exist.; from this body holding me,

Mama