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I blunder through my days. Running solely on auto-pilot. Drinking and distracting at night. The pain is inescapable. It lives within me, entwined around my innards.

Nothing I do makes a difference. The person I loved most in the world has died and I will never see, hold or talk to her again.

It matters not how many therapy or group grief sessions I have attended. She is still and forever gone. Absent from my world.

Memories? Yes, I have plenty. But they will never replace my darling girl. And they will never heal my heart of this searing pain.

I will always be grateful to have the joyous memories and the countless photographs… but there will always be a willingness, an eager desire even, to bargain for change. I would trade anything and almost anyone to have my Zevie back in my arms. To watch her grow up. To nurture, teach and love her with all that I have.


One Comment

  1. And I wish, with everything in me, that there was a way to change this. I know that, with the passing of time, people will think you’re OK or things are better. I don’t know that they get better; only different. I ❤ you.

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