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At times, the temptation to give in to self-pity is strong. ♪ “Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen; nobody knows my sorrow.” ♫ But to allow myself this overindulgence would be selfish, foolish and an outright lie.

Sadly, I have met many that walk the same path I now face. Many who have walked it, circling, spiraling, progressing, healing, falling, giving in — for years, for decades. And so, I know better. What a disservice to them it would be to allow myself a pity party!

We’ve all heard the term ‘pull yourself up by your bootstraps’ and this is not at all what I plan to do or would ever dare to recommend to someone else in the depths of grief. However, finding a middle ground is a coping mechanism that has helped me survive the past couple of years. Somewhere between feeling sorry for oneself and ‘sucking it up’ is a place of tranquil sorrow, bittersweet reflection and a hope for tomorrow.

How I found this place, I couldn’t say for sure or draw a precise map. I can only say that it was part surrendering to my emotions — anguish, fear, sorrow, guilt and desolation — part active grieving — feeling, reading, writing, screaming, crying, sharing — and part making the choice to live again.

My gratitude to everyone who has helped me along my journey. I truly hope that you know who you are.

And my heart reaches out to all of the fathers and mothers who know the depths of my pain. I wish I could ease your suffering. I wish I could cross universes to bring our children back to us in the form we grew to know and love them in.

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One Comment

  1. Awe, Kitty. I love and admire you. Your heart knows no bottom, even if it no longer feels whole. Your ability to share and reach out is unparalleled. ❤


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