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There are times I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want to turn my anger on the world. I spend long moments thinking of what it would be like to put pedal to the metal and dive headlong over a cliff in my car. Fantasizing about death. Longing for an end to this.

I would bleed and suffer and die a thousand painful deaths if it would bring her back. In acute agony it feels as though the emptiness inside will swallow me whole. Leaving not a trace. No memory of what once was.

The questions gnaw at my insides. Loneliness, sorrow, anguish, pain. Unbearable weight.

I beg, plead, attempt to bargain. The indifference of the universe imparts her cruel truth. Etching the sufferings of this world upon my very soul. Some like whispers; long forgotten memories. Others like the raging surf; pounding, unforgiving.

Death, the great equalizer…

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