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If I were given a choice now to live what I lived with Zev all over again or to live a life without experiencing motherhood, I would do it all again. In a heartbeat.

Never would I trade the deep love and connection that we share. The tears, and the laughter, the joys of learning and teaching. The good night kisses and the warm hugs.

I know that I am complete and whole for having been given the opportunity to be Zev’s Mom.

Yes, I am now broken and anguished, but I am also filled to overflowing with compassion, love, and joyous memories which I carry with me always.

And some might question and wonder that I would choose again the pain of separation, the agony of longing, this constant ache in my heart and the physical absence of my darling girl. Yet if I cannot/could not have what I always wanted and still dream about — to raise her to adulthood and be there as she emerges into the world as a woman, starting the cycle anew with children of her own — I would much rather have eight years of pure bliss than none.

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