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The ugliest part of grief, I have discovered, is guilt. It can become huge and incapacitating. Like a gaping hole it will swallow you — if you allow it. And how I have struggled and fought with this monster called guilt…

Many nights I lie awake as my mind battles these thoughts — ‘it is my fault’ — ‘As the parent, I am responsible for the well being of my child’ — ‘What could I have done differently’ — ‘If only I could do it all over again’

In my thirty years in this body, I haven’t had many regrets… and now I live daily with this enormous chip on my shoulder. I will always wonder if I had taken more precaution, would the outcome have been different?

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