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As the cold moves in and Fall announces her arrival, I feel a mixture of strong emotions… sadness, false hope, bitter anger, and a strong desire to literally hibernate and close myself off from the outside world.

The gray, gloomy skies match my emptiness. Rain, oh rain, wash away my pain.

Will I ever come to accept the permanancy of her death? I know I am fighting against the reality — wishing this were only a nightmare from which I will soon awaken. Perhaps if I frame it as the acceptance of transformation, I can one day find peace… and find solace in the knowledge that I will one day join Zev in another realm…

Yes, seasons will change… yet my love remains. Deep. Solid. Unchanged.

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One Comment

  1. Dearest Caitlan, I was very moved to read your blog. I am a very peripheral moon group member and that is how I got there. Thank you for sharing your grief and all of the songs of your broken heart. I was very moved reading them.

    There are 2 resources that I wish to share with you…..in the hopes that they may serve your process in some helpful way. They are these….
    Martin Prechtel, native Mayan shaman and incredible story teller, CD titled “Grief and Praise” from that indigenous perspective. find him at http://www.floweringmountain.com. Kristine Corrigan can also talk to you about Martin if you wish.

    The other, which I have found to be extremely beneficial in my own life is;
    “When Things Fall Apart” by Pema Chodron….this is highly reccommended…very applicable to all of life’s loses and grief….and very gentle.

    Many blessings to you, dear person and mother and wife and beautiful woman….I honor your grief.

    Jacqueline Hope ❤


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